Because Kim and Sammy rave about Ira Glass and This American Life on NPR, I decided to check out the first season DVD of the This American Life television show when I happened upon it at Schlow. And it was great. I watched all 2.5 hours of it Tuesday evening.
Up until "My Way," "God's Close-Up" was my favorite episode (...apparently we watched them out of order): there was a scene-stealing baby; it was about a Mormon painter; and his Jesus model was extremely good-looking. What's not to love? But the first act in "My Way" trumped it all, not in terms of cuteness, talent, or eye candy, but in terms of provoking thought and challenging the status quo.
Meet Joe Kendrick. He's 14 and has sworn off love because he's seen it make people do stupid or crazy things and he doesn't want a part of that. And it's not just romantic love he's rejecting - which is what I had assumed until he replied, "No, not really" when asked if he loved his parents - but all love, because "I think if I block out romantic love, it just sort of all gets blocked out."
Understandably, my first reaction was something of a cross between "Aww, how sad" and "Man, how cynical." And of course, I don't share his philosophy, but the reason I loved the segment about Joe was because it made me question things – it made me question myself and why I believe what I believe about love and what it is about society that makes us the way we are. If "God's Close-Up" had been more about belief and spirituality and less about the effect of the painter's works on his Jesus model's Mormon-turned-atheist girlfriend (which, undeniably, was a compelling story itself) maybe I would have enjoyed it to the same degree as Joe's act in "My Way." Meanwhile, Kim thinks I enjoyed the segment so much because I don’t talk about love or sex (which, by the way, Joe says is "barbaric") or guys, at least not in a personal context (as evidenced somewhat by this post, ironically). Fair enough. Maybe it is that I admire his frankness.
As I listened to Joe talk about how he doesn't want any part in love, I couldn't help but think how, being raised in American society, which seems to so pride romance and love, 50% divorce rate notwithstanding, this kid could have avoided being sucked into the hype. I think it’s human nature to want others to be like us or to think like us, which is why, while I was watching, I couldn’t wrap my head around how someone could possibly close himself off to the idea of love because I, weaned on Disney fairy tales and Hugh Grant romcoms (thanks, Mom), could never do that. And then, I realized… he probably didn’t grow up that way. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like there must be some sort of explanation for Joe’s decision that involves childhood trauma or something the rest of us “normal” people didn’t experience. From the video footage, it didn’t appear that he had a dysfunctional family or lacked friends.
So what’s with Joe?
Or... what’s with the rest of us? Why do we all want to fall in love and make love and be in love? I mean, he has a point, right? Love makes people do odd and unreasonable things. Is it really such a supreme emotion that there is no less irrational alternative that can make us feel just as good? Do we really need love? Joe’s happily loveless life seems to imply that we don’t, but his is a quiet voice among a global chorus, including The Beatles, in love with the idea of love.
Because society and our upbringing do influence us so much, I’m curious as to when Joe made his decisive choice. Did he love his parents and then decide to give it up or did he never feel love toward them or anyone else and then decide he didn’t need it? My brother is six years old, and he says "I love you," and I'm pretty sure it's out of reflex than anything else. Obviously, we've taught him to say it, and I wonder if Joe was taught the same. (I also wonder if I throw "I love you" around too much with Flip, thereby diluting its potency for him. On the other hand, the author of this piece worries that she doesn't say "I love you" often enough.)
Even as Joe actively avoids love now, how does he know he's even succeeding? As long as he doesn't do stupid and crazy things? I’m pretty sure you don’t have to do stupid things if you’re in love, just as I’m sure doing stupid things doesn't necessarily mean you’re in love. At its most basic level, love is the ultimate unselfishness: I know that I love my parents and my brother because I would die for them. (I wonder if Joe would consider this one of the stupid things people might do out of love. Not that I think he is heartless, but merely extremely rational, and in what universe would exchanging one's own life for the life of someone else be considered rational, really?) But the love I have for my family is not the same love I have for my friends, though this difference does not make either love less real. I wonder, then, if there are so many variations on love, how do we know when we love someone?
Where is the line between love and an obligation, from society or our family themselves, to care about people we're related to? I don't think we are born loving our parents or grandparents, but somewhere along the line, because of their actions toward us, we develop an emotional bond. And we call it love, but how much of that love is because we feel we must?
Where is the line between love and friendship? It isn't as if there's some switch that shifts our feelings from friendship to love after a set amount of time together or a certain level of emotional and/or physical intimacy is reached. People say "when you know, you know," mostly in regards to romantic love, but it could apply to any type, I think. Regardless, I don't really buy that idea, and maybe I am like Joe in this respect, then, that I am too rational and need to learn to accept that some things just can't be quantified and explained neatly. Oh, but if the heart came with a user's guide... I wish there were "Where Are They Now?" episodes for This American Life. Joe's episode was only from around two years ago, so maybe it's too soon to see if anything has changed. He seemed pretty adamant in a message to his 25-year-old self in the episode that nothing would.
It sounds mean, and I really do hope that he is happy, but I kind of want him to be crying over a girl right now.
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