Peak

One of the saddest realities is that we never know when our lives are at their peak. Only after it is over and we have some kind of perspective do we realize how good we had it a day, a month, five years ago. ~Jonathan Carroll

Maybe this is as good as it gets.

Maybe this, this beautiful Saturday afternoon, here with an iced coffee in a Dunkin' Donuts whose sound system keeps playing songs I love and whose floor-to-ceiling windows I wish could open up like those at Herwig's, is as good as it gets.

And if this, this gorgeous weekend that has reaffirmed everything I believe about reasons and perfection, is as good as it gets, I hope to always remember how it felt, how it feels, to have things work out, to go my way.

It's been a spring of victories. I have gotten into grad school (with scholarship money!); I have nailed every interview; I have been offered two [competitive?] summer fellowships. Most meaningful of all, I am now able to choose a summer schedule that works best for me, and that includes a long overdue late May-early June trip back to China with my family. It has been six whole years since my last visit, and God knows how long it will be before my next one.

Jill's grandmother died this past week, and it made me wish all the harder to get the fellowship I really wanted, as the timeline would allow me not only to stay in Memphis through the summer, but also to book the China trip and see my grandmothers. On Friday, the e-mail came, and the first words were not all that promising in my Gmail preview: Thank you again for your interest in the Urban Leaders Fellowship! This year’s applicant pool was incredibly talented... Thankfully, the rest of that sentence read: ...and we were especially impressed with your policy exercise and interview. As such, we are thrilled to offer you a position on our team in Memphis.

I'm no stranger to having things go my way. Sure, I've experienced disappointment and failure, but in my young life, I can't remember a time I felt like I had to settle (which, take note, is different than saying "I've never had to settle"). I have been blessed beyond measure with opportunities and outcomes, some beyond my wildest dreams (a certain game show comes to mind immediately...). This is not the humblest of posts, and if that offends, so be it, but I know that I have also been an active participant in making things happen for myself. Things I want, I go after. Simple as that. I went after TFA, law school, grad school, this summer fellowship, and all the small things in between that led to those victories.

I want more good. I certainly don't wish this to be as good as it gets for me. So I'll keep going after more. Simple as that.